Intimate Moments

[dropcap class=”kp-dropcap”]A[/dropcap]shley Manta, also known as the “CannaSexual,” is a bimonthly CULTURE columnist who shares her expertise about intimacy, sex and the many ways in which to incorporate cannabis into daily life. Thanks to the questions submitted by CULTURE readers, Manta has answered some of the most important sex and cannabis questions to date. Keep reading to see if she answered your question!

Tanya T., 36

Is there any reason to incorporate CBD into sex? If so, what’s the best way to incorporate infused CBD products into oral sex?

CBD is a fantastic option for a lot of reasons! Hemp-derived CBD is great for folks who live in prohibition states and can’t legally get THC products. It’s non-psychoactive, so you can consume it without getting high, which is useful for folks who want to squeeze in a quickie before work or for those who have kids running around. CBD has anti-inflammatory properties, and there is limited but promising data that suggests that CBD could help to treat anxiety disorders. Anxiety and pain/inflammation are two common conditions that can get in the way of pleasure and intimacy, so if CBD counteracts those factors, it could be helpful for sex.

For oral sex, you could use a CBD-infused topical on a vulva (assuming there’s one involved), and let it soak into the tissue for 15 to 20 minutes. If you’re trying to use CBD to relax your throat for fellatio, I will admit that I haven’t tried that yet. But since it takes time to soak in, I imagine gargling with a CBD-infused oil would be more effective than a spray. If anyone has experienced CBD being helpful for throat comfort, please reach out and let me know—for science purposes.

Rory A., 56

In reference to intoxication and sexual contact: Firstly, what are your thoughts on intoxication and a reduction of agency and/or the ability to give consent? And secondly, what meaningful differences do you see between cannabis and other intoxicants in regards to this?

This is such an important question. Consent is mandatory, always, and is something that is especially important to be mindful of when there are psychoactive substances involved. Coming from a sexual violence prevention background, I spent most of my 20s drawing hard lines between substances and sex, especially alcohol. The National Institute of Justice research report “The Sexual Victimization of College Women” found that “43 percent of the sexual victimization incidents involve alcohol consumption by victims and 69 percent involve alcohol consumption by the perpetrators,” and I quoted those stats liberally while championing sober sex at my college lectures from 2008 to 2012.

When I experienced medical cannabis for the first time after moving to California in 2013, I discovered that there was room for nuance when it comes to combining cannabis and sex, because there are multiple ways to use cannabis therapeutically without getting high—most notably through using topicals and high-CBD products. “Negotiate before you medicate” became my golden rule for using psychoactive cannabis products, because if you’re going to be using something that can impact your ability to consent, it’s important to be with a partner you trust and establish some guidelines and agreements in advance—most importantly how to communicate (both verbally and non-verbally) when you’re ready to stop. Having a clear picture of what you want to co-create together in a given sexual interaction (Do you just want to make out? Just receive oral? Just dry hump over clothes?) allows you to play within each other’s boundaries. I’m not a proponent of going to a party, getting super stoned and hooking up with someone you just met. I do support having safer sex conversations, negotiating sexual interactions and thoughtfully using cannabis to enhance sensations and intimacy and help relieve stress and anxiety. Here’s the crux: Decide you’re going to have sex, obtain and maintain mutual consent, figure out what you want cannabis to do for you, and then use the appropriate product or strain. That’s how I navigate cannabis and consent from a trauma and sexual violence prevention informed lens.

Trystan H., 30

I am a cannabis professional, and I’m wondering what the best lubricant base would be to make my own lubricants. I usually use coconut oil for my massage oils, but have had some users complain of a grittiness to it. I use a couple essential oils along with an extract. I care about the body and natural Ph of the nether regions.

Quick caveat: I am not a doctor or chemist and I don’t play one on TV. This is not medical advice.

Coconut oil that is solid at room temperature can have some grittiness to it because it’s unrefined—meaning there are still tiny bits of coconut still in it. One way to solve that is to use MCT oil—it’s refined so that it stays liquid at room temperature rather than solidifying. Most coconut oil-based cannabis products actually use MCT oil. In terms of essential oil additions, I generally don’t like to see them on the ingredients list (except possibly tea tree oil) in genital products because I’ve had a lot of vulva owners share with me that they’re sensitive to them. Less is more when it comes to ingredients that touch the mucous membranes of a vulva. That said, I’ve met plenty of folks who totally avoid putting coconut oil on their vulvas—some have a coconut allergy while others find that it’s just irritating or causes yeast infections. Your mileage may vary.

Sandra C., 29

I have an ex-boyfriend who couldn’t get an erection without smoking weed beforehand. He said it helped with his anxiety and nerves. Is there a chance that smoking weed also helped him physically?

Anxiety and nerves are some of the most common factors that get in the way of intimacy. Cannabis, especially when consuming a high-CBD product or strain, can be effective in counteracting anxiety and helping folks be more present during sexy times. The research on cannabis and erections has been inconclusive—some studies suggest that THC inhibits erections on a physical level, while others suggest that it helps. Since erections (and more broadly, sexual response) function on both a physical and a mental level, it’s important to look at both.

Dr. Emily Nagoski, a sex educator and researcher, writes about the Dual Control Model of sexual response in her book, Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. The Dual Control Model posits that we have two main processes in our brain that impact sexual response: The sexual excitation system (which Dr. Nagoski refers to as “the gas pedal”) and the sexual inhibition system (“the brake pedal”). These processes send signals to our brains telling us to turn on and turn off, respectively. Arousal requires turning on the “ons” and turning off the “offs” and I hypothesize that cannabis helps with both—but especially with turning off the “offs” of anxiety, self-doubt, shame, etc.

However, as with all things sex and cannabis-related, sexual response varies from person to person, and context matters. Some strains and products may be especially good for getting penis-owners out of their heads and into their bodies, while others might leave them feeling sleepy or distracted. This makes it especially important to track the strains and products that give you the sexual effects you’re looking for, whether that’s erections, heightened sensations, decreased anxiety or anything else that helps you connect and be present.