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Pain and Gain

Professional football is pain. Nate Jackson knows that well. 
The football is snapped and armored beasts collide with skull-rattling hits and bone-crushing tackles, and then the gladiators of th

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Professional football is pain. Nate Jackson knows that well. 

The football is snapped and armored beasts collide with skull-rattling hits and bone-crushing tackles, and then the gladiators of the gridiron peel themselves off the ground and do it all over again.

For six years, Nate Jackson lived his dream of playing in the National Football League (NFL), as a wide receiver and tight end for the Denver Broncos. But like that of so many NFL players, it was a career plagued and ultimately ended prematurely by injury.

In his 2013 memoir Slow Getting Up: A Story of NFL Survival from the Bottom of the Pile, Jackson describes with brutal honesty and cringe-inducing detail his struggle to reach the NFL and the battle wounds that would end his career by the age of 30, with just 27 catches and two touchdowns to show for it.

It’s the antithesis of the classic sports memoir, full not of glory on the field but of the violence that damages players and the frustration and pain that come with trying to rebound from the carnage. In the book and in subsequent media interviews, Jackson has made no secret of his use of cannabis to manage pain while playing, though cannabis is a banned substance by the NFL and players are required to take many drug tests.

Jackson has also become an unofficial spokesman for the cannabis-medicating player and a leading voice calling for the league to end the prohibition as more states legalize cannabis. He spoke with CULTURE recently about football, cannabis and pain.


Why did you decide to write your football memoir?

It wasn’t until I was done playing football and I knew my career was over that I realized I had a lot to say. I enjoy the writing process and I had a very unique experience being in the NFL with a story that really doesn’t get told often. Usually when we hear stories about the NFL and professional football it’s through the lens of the Hall of Famers, the Pro-Bowlers, the one-percenters for whom the fairy tale comes true. But really the experience is much different than that. The average player’s experience is really more like mine and I felt there was a void or a vacuum as far as that was concerned and I wanted to tell that story.

What was your first cannabis experience?

The summer before ninth grade. It was me and three of my buddies out by the creek. My buddy got some weed and we bummed a cigarette, hollowed out the cigarette and put it in there.

When did you start using cannabis as a player?

In college, I didn’t really do too much during the season. I was pretty focused on football and I was doing well and I didn’t have a lot pain . . . In the NFL, I never did it while practicing or playing but it took more of a medication turn when I got to the league and the season would wear on or I would have a severe injury. I felt like using cannabis to recover helped me a lot more than using pain pills.  I had my share of pretty serious injuries that put me out for the remainder of the season. I tore my hamstring off the bone, I broke my tibia in my left leg and I also tore my groin off the bone. Those three injuries landed me on injured reserve and that means I was done for the season, and at that point I medicated with cannabis. I felt that it really helped me avoid the trappings of pain pills and it helped me recover quickly. I healed very fast from those injuries and I don’t discount cannabis as being an aid to that process.

As the season unfolded, you would use it more as your pain increased?

During mini-camp and training camp, I didn’t really dabble in it. I felt strong, I felt sharp. We also had drug tests to consider, street drug tests once a year for players and once you pass that test, you’re free to smoke as you need, but you’ve got to pass that test, either in May, June or July, sometimes into August, you just had to wait until you got that done. It wasn’t hard for me to wait. I didn’t “need” it. I was pretty optimistic about the coming season and my body felt good at that time, so it wasn’t usually until the season started, I started to break down or had some injuries that needed treatment that I used it.

How widespread is cannabis use among NFL players?

It’s not like a coalition that discusses it openly. You hang out with the guys that you’re friends with. Some of them smoke and some don’t and I didn’t hang out with every guy on the team, but I would give a rough estimate of maybe half.

Are a lot of players more secretive about it than you?

Now I can talk about it because I’m not trying to get a job in the NFL and I’m not trying to be in the league anymore. But I certainly didn’t talk about it while I was playing. I was secretive about it. There’s a big taboo with it. You’re going to get judged by a lot of people if you get caught or you’re out talking about it. But I do believe coaches are very aware that their players use cannabis and they’re okay with it . . . If the player is a good player and he performs his job at a high level.

To be in the NFL at all you have been thoroughly vetted. You’ve made it past a lot of checkpoints and to get out on the field with an NFL team it means you have your marijuana use in check. Marijuana is not a problem in your life if you make it into the NFL, and I think coaches understand that. I think they’re okay with guys winding down and using pain medication that suits them, as long as they don’t get in trouble with the law, get in any off-the-field trouble or draw any attention to themselves in any kind of media distraction. So yeah I think coaches are alright with it as long as you handle your business, you play well and are accountable.

Until the Ray Rice suspension was increased (from two games to indefinite suspension) it looked like the penalties for testing hot for cannabis were worse than knocking a woman unconscious in an elevator, compared to what happened to Josh Gordon (Cleveland Browns player suspended 10 games for failing a cannabis test).  What does that say about the NFL?

The NFL is a little out of touch with society and it’s not surprising. It’s an all-male environment, sequestered around this idea that football is the most important thing in life and everything else is just a distraction. So when football is the only thing that matters and winning football games is the only thing that matters, a warped sense of social obligation—of morality, is developed and you get these guys who don’t really know how to deal with women, family issues, social issues and who kind of turn a blind eye to that.

A lot of these coaches and football men have devoted their entire lives to football and when you do that you turn a blind eye to everything else. I don’t think they’re intending to be malicious.  I don’t think they hate women. I don’t think they are uncompassionate assholes. I just think they don’t get it. Football means too much to them, so it’s not surprising to me at all.

“I don’t expect the NFL to be leading the charge with marijuana, but they’ll come around eventually.”

Do you think the NFL is lagging behind public opinion on this issue of cannabis?

Yes. It’s legal in Colorado. The people in the state have legalized it, not just for medicinal purposes but recreationally, and a case can be made that all these (players) qualify for it for medicinal purposes. They all have legitimate orthopedic issues. They have brain injuries. They’re under a lot of stress. There’s a long list of reasons why they should choose to use marijuana if they see fit but the NFL is lagging behind this. I don’t expect the NFL to be leading the charge with marijuana, but they’ll come around eventually.

Do you foresee a time when NFL players will be able to smoke cannabis if they want to?

I hope so. If maybe half the states legalize it, or if they have some strong scientific evidence that suggests cannabis is an effective painkiller or more importantly is effective in treating traumatic brain injuries. In Israel, they’ve been doing studies with marijuana and traumatic brain injuries for a long time. They’ve been administering it to soldiers in the Israeli army for a long time with good results. So I think the NFL is not far off—from commissioning people to do some studies with cannabis and current or former football players dealing with traumatic brain injury, dementia, early onset Alzheimer’s, which we know is traumatizing a lot of former players and their families. If they find out marijuana can help soothe those effects then I can see them loosening the reins on that and allowing a little more experimentation with it.

Do you still suffer pain from your football injuries? 

Yes.

Can you elaborate about how it has affected your lifestyle after all these years?

It’s kind of temperamental. I don’t know when things are going to flare up. It helps to stay in shape and stay active. If I don’t do anything then everything starts to hurt, my lower back, my neck, my ankles, my feet, hips and knees and joints. Cannabis does help me there. It helps me psychologically as well. There’s an element of depression when it comes to trying to move on from the NFL and trying to figure out what life means without that game, without the highs and lows of it and trying to figure out where you fit in the world and sometimes cannabis can help me with that.

“There’s a big taboo with [cannabis]. You’re going to get judged by a lot of people if you get caught or you’re out talking about it. But I do believe coaches are very aware their players smoke weed and they’re okay with it.”

 

 

As you look back to your football career, how do you feel about your years with the Broncos and was it worth the pain?

I had a great time with the Broncos. I felt the Broncos treated me incredibly well, the city, the team the coaches, everyone I had a really good experience with . . . I don’t regret anything. Pain is part of the deal. Its part of the experience in football and it’s something that became an old friend to me and it’s nothing that makes me regret anything. If anything, I’d just like to kind of humanize the experience for people and fans who want to know what it’s really like. If can speak for my current or  former peers about what the experience is really like I’m going to do that but I’m not trying to end football as we know it or throw football under the bus. I think everyone is really a good person trying to do their best in the field they love. Sometime it gets a little out of hand but for the most part I had a great time.

My last question is, in your book, you talk about going and killing a mountain lion outside of Denver with a knife? Was that real?

It’s a dream sequence. Some people miss that and say, “Man did you really kill the mountain lion?” . . . I wanted [readers] to feel that maybe it’s real or maybe not, but I did not kill a mountain lion.

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