Liner Notes

Breaking news: Keith Moon, legendary drummer of The Who, is dead. Now most people that have picked up a rock record since 1978—the year that Moon passed away—know that this is old news. Most people, that is, but not the organizers of the 2012 London Olympics who approached The Who’s manager, Bill Curbishley, asking if Moon could play during the closing ceremonies. “If they have a round table, some glasses and candles,” Curbishley said, “we might contact him.”

Speaking of drummers, the universally lovable Dave Grohl was attacked on Twitter recently by a sad junkie monster the public refers to as Courtney Love. This collection of inebriated molecules realized that no one was talking about it, so it published tweets alleging that Grohl “hit on” Love’s daughter, Frances Bean Cobain. Grohl responded with “Unfortunately Courtney is on another hateful Twitter rant. These new accusations are upsetting, offensive and absolutely untrue.” Of course, they’re untrue! The dude was in The Muppets! Come on, now. He may have played Satan in Tenacious D’s The Pick of Destiny, but everyone who is anyone has vouched for Grohl’s complete nicest-guy-in-the-worldness. Cobain herself even, in so many words, told her mom to shut up, that the rumors were untrue, and that Twitter itself should ban Love from its service.

What’s even weirder is that Love was trying to justify it by saying that Grohl had a “pathology” about Kurt Cobain and that his actions all boiled down to his “drummer’s submissive position.” Love later apologized—again on Twitter—saying “Sorry I believed the gossip. Mommy loves you.” Frances Bean Cobain, a girl who looks like Evan Rachel Wood dipped in grunge, needs to make an example for the rest of the world and just stop listening. Stop indulging Courtney Love. Just let her keep going to Comedy Central Roasts and crying.

While she cries, another, much mellower person smiles. His name is Willie Nelson, and on April 20th, at 4:20 p.m. a statue of him was unveiled in Austin, Texas. The time and date are, of course, a nod to the singer’s medicinal proclivities, and, frankly, I’m surprised that the eight-foot statue is made of bronze, not hemp. The statue is actually a gift to Austin from the non-profit group called Capital Area Statues, Inc., and the ceremony included a visit from the country star himself. Another relic to be observed on the stoner pilgrimage is erected, as in the late-afternoon millions across the world smoke towards Zion.

Julian Assange, gecko-like hero of neckbeards and RON PAUL voters, has a new television show beginning on an English-language Russian channel soon. M.I.A., smelling the faint whiff of controversy like a windowsill pie in a Hanna-Barbera cartoon, has offered to write original music for the show. It is yet uncertain if Assange will release the tracks online before the show airs so people can know the truth!

Assange, the founder of Wikileaks, has named his show The World Tomorrow, which is not only cheeky and not as cute as he wants it to be, but the name also resembles the excellent Chris Morris comedy program The Day Today, which aired in the early ’90s and lampooned television news.

Axl Rose has “respectfully declined” to attend the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction that would see his band, Guns N‘ Roses, placed along other legends of the genre. Rose wrote an open letter detailing how there would not, as he’s stated before, be a reunion of the earlier version of the band, including Slash. Fans hope that the band’s feud would end soon, citing that “nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain.” They went on to remind Axl that “we both know hearts can change.” Axl, however, seems unconvinced by their words and did not attend the ceremony. Fans of Appetite for Destruction won’t be seeing the favorite line-up together any time soon. Rose called the whole ordeal a “no win” situation for him. Sources close to the old group members say Axl Rose will continue looking like an old lesbian and Slash will continue to make cameo appearances on anything and everything in order to make rent.