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When was the first time someone gave you the finger? When was the first time someone was so tired of or angry with you that the only way they could possibly express it was with an act as primal and cathartic as flipping you the proverbial bird? Odds are you can’t remember the first time because odds are it was sometime before you had object permanence. Unscientific studies of me just thinking about it have concluded that for most Americans, their first middle finger occurs sometime within the first six months o

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When was the first time someone gave you the finger? When was the first time someone was so tired of or angry with you that the only way they could possibly express it was with an act as primal and cathartic as flipping you the proverbial bird? Odds are you can’t remember the first time because odds are it was sometime before you had object permanence. Unscientific studies of me just thinking about it have concluded that for most Americans, their first middle finger occurs sometime within the first six months of life, administered by their sleep-deprived, broken parents. And yet the Parents Television Council, among other parent-based interest groups, were out for blood after M.I.A. gave a middle to the home viewing audience of Super Bowl XLVI. They stamped their little feet around saying that NBC somehow “enabled” M.I.A.’s bad behavior, and requested apologies from anyone that would give them. They also called for the FCC to fine the Sri Lankan electro-rapper—punishment for how completely she crushed their children’s chances at a normal, decent future.

No fuss whatsoever was made about the dozens of women in tight leotards writhing around on stage humping the air. Nobody (that has yet come forward) has complained that the obviously high tightrope walker/cherub was promoting alternate lifestyles and dangerous activities that children might try to replicate at home without the proper safety equipment. No one has even admitted it was a bad song.

Television stations need to get over the idea that a few parents with too much time to kill and a penchant for letter-writing campaigns represent a significant subset of opinion. She stuck up her middle finger for less than a second in a wide-shot during a sporting event. Everyone saw it and no one that mattered cared. It’s not just that these parents’ groups don’t have bigger fish to fry, it’s that they try to fry so much so often that I’m starting to suspect they’re exclusively from the South. Hide your Mars Bars and your CDs with cursing.

Author’s Note: This is not to say that the flipped finger itself was not a foolish gesture made by a tool struggling for relevance. It was. Enough said.

Let us go then, you and I, to Nashville, where there are plans to open a Johnny Cash museum. It will be filled, of course, with memorabilia. William W. Miller, Jr., a biographer and longtime fan of Cash, has been trying to get this museum set up for years; but now, it finally seems to be coming together. According to theboot.com, Rosanne Cash—Johnny’s daughter—said of Miller, Jr. that “if anybody has the whole structure to put up a museum, he does.” She continued to say that she hopes and expects the museum will be run with “dignity and class.” Next up, Miller, Jr. plans to bring dignity and class to another American legend, the Insane Clown Posse. The duo is known as the Men in Black (and White [Makeup]).

Speaking of Juggalolz, Jack White continues to record an eclectic mix of musicians on his label Third Man Records. This time, he produced (and played with) Welsh legend Tom Jones. But this time he’s not reminding us the exact amount of unusualness it is to be loved by anyone. Nor is he fighting off Martians in a misguided sci-fi throwback directed by an overgrown mall goth. Instead, he’s singing (hell, he’s shouting) Howlin Wolf’s “Evil.” This great cover does have one unintended side-effect, though: the number of people typing tom jones evil into Google has nearly doubled!

White couldn’t sit on the sidelines for long, though. He doesn’t have all day to sit around buying elephant heads on TV shows like American Pickers. He’s releasing his first solo album Blunderbuss on April 24. No word yet on whether those nice gentlemen in clown make-up will make an appearance. As a long standing fan of Jack White’s musical output, I look forward to his new album; but I must also admit that I was hoping he’d become a permanent fixture on The Colbert Report.

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