Liner Notes

By Hans Fink

In an unprecedented move of self-importance, famed musician and producer WYCLEF JEAN announced on Larry King Live that he intends to submit his candidacy for Haiti’s presidential election in November. Essentially insinuating that he is to the Haitians as Moses was to the ancient Israelites, the Haiti-born musician immigrated to the U.S. when he was 9. Due to his lack of residency, it was later announced by a Haitian electoral official that Jean did not meet the legal requirements for candidacy and was not on the list of approved candidates. It seems he won’t be “Gone Till November” after all.

Speaking of former FUGEES members, it would appear that LAURYN HILL is back on the Billboard charts for the first time in 10 years with the song “Repercussions.” Furthermore . . . aw, who cares. In other news, former SYSTEM OF A DOWN frontman and liberal blowhard SERJ TANKIAN issued a press release that he was delaying the release of his next solo album, Imperfect Harmonies, so that he could ensure it would be distributed in eco-friendly packaging. Really, he could do his part to save the environment by not releasing an album at all, thereby not using up any kind of resources for packaging. But, you know, we all have our ways of pitching in.

Indie-turned-mainstream rock quartet KINGS OF LEON is all set to make up a show in St. Louis after a fecal mishap. Yes, fecal. Last July they played a show in St. Louis only to flee the stage three songs into the set due to a relentless bombardment from a gang of rogue pigeons. As the band of brothers found itself covered in filthy, white avian waste, fans booed the early termination. You see, rock stars are superhuman and serve to entertain us, even in the face of . . . poop. In the face. Yuck. This make-up show comes shortly after their decision to refuse licensing their material to the TV show Glee to avoid “selling out.” Well, duh . . . they’re a rock ‘n’ roll band, not a pop band. Their new album, Come Around Sundown, is set for release October 19.

In news set to make melancholy music fans feel a tinge of joy, famed PINK FLOYD guitarist DAVID GILMOUR has teamed up with electronic outfit THE ORB to release a collaborative effort entitled Metallic Spheres in early October. And speaking of collaborative efforts, perhaps the most unexpected collaboration of all is in the works: WU-TANG CLAN founding member RAEKWON THE CHEF has started working with teen Internet sensation JUSTIN BIEBER on a series of remixes. Adding to this piece of “what the @%$#!”news, KANYE WEST is in the producer’s chair for this one.

And finally to round this out, AEROSMITH frontman STEVEN TYLER fell off stage—again—while singing “Love in an Elevator”—again. Only this time he didn’t injure himself. While I am glad he was uninjured this time around, I believe the odds show there is a very clear link between singing “Love in an Elevator” and being able to maintain balance. Seriously, the Aerosmith catalog is deep enough that no one will notice if all future sets are devoid of that equilibrium-altering song.

…With A Little Help From My Friends

When Bob Dylan and the Beatles were introduced to each other in 1964, you can be damn sure some cannabis made an appearance. According to some accounts, it was the first time the Beatles had smoked (thanks, Bob), but others say the Fab Four had sampled the leaf in 1960—but were not impressed. John Lennon said this about their meeting with Bob: “I don’t remember much what we talked about. We were smoking dope, drinking wine and generally being rock ‘n’ rollers and having a laugh, you know, and surrealism. It was party time.” Wow. Rock stars party like us!’