It’s hard not to dig up the tired clichés when describing custom couches that look (and, presumably, feel) every bit like funeral caskets. “These beauties are real heart-stoppers,” “People are just dying to sit on them,” “Here’s where to put your feet up when you go feet-up”—the jokes just write themselves. But that would be doing these grisly works of art a disservice. Elegantly designed and expertly upholstered by people who clearly care a lot about funereal creature comforts, Coffin Couches are second only to the Great Pyramids as a cozy place to spend eternity.
The greatest—and, arguably, creepiest—thing about Coffin Couches is they’re the real deal—genuine caskets purchased from genuine funeral homes and transformed into genuine luxury loveseats and Captain’s chairs. They’re so authentic, in fact, that notable Coffin Couches clients include Jesse James of TV’s West Coast Choppers, Fangoria magazine and 1-800-Autopsy. They’re also not cheap—standard models start at $3,500. But they’re the perfect gift for that special Goth in your life. Find them at www.CoffinCouches.com.
Aqua Sounder Floating Wireless Speakers
Raise your hand if you’ve ever accidentally dropped a stereo speaker, boom box or MP3 player in the swimming pool, with predictable results? OK, that’s why Aqua Sounder Floating Wireless Speakers are such a great idea. Just toss them in the pool or hot tub at your next wild party—they’re waterproof and submersible, so you’ll really have to go out of your way to damage these babies. If their unique shape weren’t a conversation starter already, check them out at night—when they radiate with LED mood-light brilliance.
The 3-watts-per-channel Aqua Sounder is powered by six AA batteries—at constant play, that’s about six hours of listening pleasure per charge. Each speaker comes with an MP3-player-ready wireless transmitter (both battery-powered and AC-adaptable) that can support up to 10 separate speakers. With a range of 150 feet, just one transmitter can wire your entire house for sound. Safety warning: Though the Aqua Sounder strongly resembles a soccer ball (pardon, fútbol), we advise against kicking it around the backyard.
You can find the Aqua Sounder at participating retailers on- and offline, including Sears, Target and Amazon.com, where it retails for about $99.99.
Vapir N02 Digital Vaporizer
Not to spoil the party, but aren’t vaporizers supposed to be insanely complicated? Aren’t the harder-than-calculus operating instructions, maddeningly long heating periods and subsequent third-degree burns supposed to be part of the fun? No? Well, cool then, because the NO2 Digital Vaporizer is about the simplest, safest and most convenient portable vaporizer you’re likely to find. Just switch it on, set the desired temperature with the press of a button (a digital readout shows you the temp in both Fahrenheit and Celsius), load the herb and inhale.
For a portable vape that heats super-fast, the NO2 produces remarkably little external heat. All that pesky vaporization stuff happens inside its streamlined black casing where it belongs—away from your skin. Its rechargeable lithium-ion battery (included) means you can take the NO2 anywhere. Each order gets you a complete digital vaporizer kit, tube attachment and mouthpiece. Available for $150 at www.Vapir.com, the NO2 may very well be the last vaporizer you’ll ever need.
CanaMedix Water Pipe Filter
All you have to do is look at the residue in your water pipe after a couple of uses to know water pipes don’t remove all the pollutants in your herb. The CanaMedix Water Pipe Filter cuts down on ingested particulates and tars by fitting snugly over just about any pipe’s mouthpiece and drawing smoke through four separate filters. Try it a couple of a times and check out the filters—you’ll be shocked at how much icky-black stuff didn’t make it your lungs.
Along with cutting back on irritating pollutants, the CanaMedix also significantly cools and mellows the smoke you do ingest. It also protects users from the spread of germs by providing them their own private mouthpiece, and guards against that nastiest of mishaps—back splash. Made of medical-grade soft silicon, the mouthpiece can be cleaned with soap and hot water, or sterilized by boiling. You can find CanaMedix Water Pipe Filters at participating retailers or at www.CanaMedix.com, where they retail for $14.99.