Dear Sarah,
Recently I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of five years and I can’t seem to move on or see myself with anyone in the near future. I have tried dating other women and I just can’t seem to have interest in them. It gets to the point where I want to be alone for the rest of my life. Everything reminds me of my ex and I just can’t seem to forget about her. What do I do and how do I solve this problem?
~ Broken Heart in Beverly Hills
Dear Broken Heart,
Love is powerful. It can lift you to the highest peaks making you feel like you’re flying and you never want to come down, yet rip your heart out and beat it to a bloody pulp. Being gentle to our mind, body and soul is the best place to start. Taking time alone is the next. Now I’m not saying forever, just enough time to feel grounded and secure without thoughts or “reminders” of your ex popping up everywhere. Parammahansa Yogananda, who is considered one of the preeminent spiritual figures of modern times, once said, “Mind is the creator of everything. You should therefore guide it to create only good. If you cling to a certain thought with dynamic will power, it finally assumes a tangible outward form. When you are able to employ your will always for constructive purposes, you become the controller of your destiny.” By thinking positive thoughts about yourself and your future, life is going to emulate that in return. When we are young it is ingrained in our mind that life basically consists of birth, childhood, school, dating, getting married, having children, growing old, then you die. We are told that there is some “one” special person we are meant to be with for the rest of ours lives. As we grow up we learn that this may not be true for everyone and life is more complex and intricate. Five years is a long time to be with someone and the many memories will fade away with time. When a positive memory comes up think of a negative one and how blessed you are to not have to not have to go through that anymore. Perhaps you should try meditation, working out or doing something you enjoy immensely that is uplifting and healthy. Try new things that you (or your ex) never did before. This way it won’t remind you of her. The moment you least expect it a sweet, caring and loving women will come into your life and bring you much joy and happiness, ’til death do you part.
Dear Sarah,
A couple of years ago my now ex-boyfriend did something really immature without my knowledge of it. It resulted in my apartment being raided, going to jail, being wrongfully convicted with a felony and probation as well as getting evicted from my apartment by the city. When the cops came to my place the first time he hid in the bathroom while I lied to them that he wasn’t there. When they left I asked him what he did, and he said, “Nothing. It’s a mistake, don’t worry about it, nothing’s going to happen.” A month later they came back with a warrant and guns, but he wasn’t there this time. Even though I had nothing to do with his mistake they didn’t care, and I alone suffered in the end. Trust is my nemesis. Will I ever be able to trust anyone again?
~ Conflicted in California
Dear Conflicted,
Betrayal is a force to be reckoned with. For those who have been faced with it know that it takes time to trust again. There’s no need to dwell in the past, it cannot be changed. From this moment on the choices you make control your destiny so don’t rush into anything. Have patience. One day you’ll feel like you’re in Candy Land and everything is sweet as pie, then the next you might feel like Alice in Wonderland where everything seems to be sheer nonsense. Stay grounded. Keep your eyes open and your heart protected as you take it day by day, or even hour by hour. Be free from the negativity and veil of delusion that he put upon you. Fill yourself with love, patience and gratitude. Enjoy the little things like lying in the warm sun, eating a lavish meal or soaking in a bubble bath. Since it is the holiday season, enjoy the comfort of being with family and/or friends. Not to mention, a new year and new beginnings are just around the corner. Love yourself. Only then will you be able to fully love someone again. What you learn from this experience will be crucial for your future choices in life. We are always being challenged, and only the strongest will survive. During tough times, my Mom used to tell me, “Put on your big girl panties and hang in there.” You have to make pink lemonade when life hands you lemons. Be optimistic and a dreamer or, in other words, be childlike. You are a brave warrior in this battle. You can do anything that you put your mind to. Frankly, I think that when you’re a grandmother many years from now you will look back at this and laugh because I’m sure there will be many more experiences that will affect you just as deeply if not more. Moreover, I have faith that you will find a man (not a boy, like your ex) who loves you endlessly and has your best interest at heart. Someone who will make you feel safe and protected. Someone you can trust. Ralph Waldo Emerson, an American essayist, lecturer and poet, once said, “The highest compact we can make with our fellow is there be truth between us two forevermore.” As for your ex I have one word for him: karma.
Happy Holidays and a blessed New Year, CULTURE readers!
Got a burning question about love, life and/or the pursuit of medicine? Ask Sarah Diesel, medical-marijuana advocate and L.A.’s Countess of Class and Cannabis. Just keep your questions short, straightforward and obscenity-free, and email them to AskSarah@freeculturemag.com.
