Dear Sarah,
You know that thing where sometimes after a big rip on a joint, you burp up smoke that tastes like marijuana? What’s up with that?
~ Uurrrppp….
Dear Uurrppp,
This comical yet indiscrete phenomenon is caused by poor lung technique. You are swallowing the smoke into your stomach, when you should be inhaling it comfortably yet deeply into your lungs.
Let me guess. You’re sneaking outside for a super-quick puff or two, only to step back into a room full of people, and let out a big burp of marijuana smoke. Not that I know this personally—I’ve just been told.
Puff patiently. She makes us wait 9-12 weeks for her to finish, so we should take the time to enjoy this plant. This stuff does grow on trees, you know.
Dear Sarah,
I am a hard working city worker who is also a medical cannabis patient. What are my risks? Can I lose my job? Should I tell my employer I’m a medical cannabis patient? Or should I apply for a state ID card? How should I do that?
Please help! I’m too scared to slip into my local dispensary for fear of getting caught by someone I know! I have family to support. HELP ME!
~ Scared
Dear Scared,
I understand your concerns. This is definitely a shaky legal and social subject. First of all, be aware of the paranoia that can affect isolated cannabis consumers. I can assure you that your coworkers are not trying to subliminally send you signals they know you’re high (I mean, medicated).
I digress . . . A few years ago a telecommunications worker (and legal medical cannabis patient) named Gary Ross was fired after failing a drug test, even though his professional performance was never questioned. He fought his wrongful termination all the way to the California Supreme Court, which unfortunately sided with the employer. California AB 2279, which would have explicitly protected employment rights of medical cannabis patients, was passed by both the State Assembly and Senate, only to be vetoed by Governor Schwarzenegger.
State Sen. Mark Leno has reintroduced the law as SB 129, which is again pending before the legislature. Call or email your local California State Senator to ask him or her to support SB 129, and protect the rights of medical cannabis patients. Go to safeaccessnow.org/sb129 for more information.
Until then, an employer—public or private—can fire an employee for using cannabis, regardless of the patient’s legal status. The voluntary SB 420 ID card can protect you during law enforcement encounters, and the records for your application need to be subpoenaed before they can be released. The ID card will not help your employment situation, though. Visit cdph.ca.gov/programs/mmp for official information including the hours and address of the ID card program at your local county health department.
As for being seen at your local collective, all I can say is what my parents used to tell me when we’d go out to Sizzler: “Hey, if your friends see you, they’re here too.”
Dear Sarah,
I’m getting married, and I’m moving in with my new love (I’m just glowing). He doesn’t mind that I smoke, he just doesn’t like the smell. Do you have any tips for, um, aroma reduction?
~ Blushing Bride in Riverside
Dear Blushing Bride,
Congratulations! That’s so exciting. First things first: What are the wedding colors, and where is the honeymoon? Sorry, girlie moment. Back to your question: I asked a few friends for some impromptu and successful aroma reduction techniques. A damp towel under the door will help seal off the room, and an open window will help circulate the air. It takes just a tiny hint of smoke to smell up a room.
Next, vaporize, vaporize, vaporize. It will greatly reduce the amount of residual smoke lingering around. Leave it to our industry’s entrepreneurs to come up with some technological innovations, too. The Smokebuddy (smokebuddy.com) is a fully passive personal air filter that “magically removes smoke and odors.” In the meantime, there is always the emergency solution: dryer sheets stuffed in a paper towel roll. It may be the sativa, but I swear it works.
As for technique, a joint is probably the least discrete method of consumption. You’re pretty much burning it into the air constantly for 5 minutes straight.
If you are settling into your home, you may want to invest in a re-circulating carbon filter or a negative ion generator. A carbon filter naturally cleans the air in the room by pulling it through a charcoal screen, which captures contaminants and particles in the air. A negative ion generator sends negatively charged ions out into the air which attach to your aroma and sterilizes the smell.
I have two words for you: wedding registry.
Dear Sarah,
I have seen the stories in the news about pesticides found on medical marijuana. I can’t tell how much of this is exaggerated reefer madness, but I figure there is probably some truth to it too. What do you know about this?
~ Pondering Pesticides in Pomona
Dear Pondering,
You are quite correct that the truth lies somewhere in between exaggerated sensationalism and genuine concern. There was a specific incident where the Los Angeles City Attorney’s office obtained medical marijuana during an undercover “buy” that tested positive for a commercial pesticide called bifenthrin. The level of residue on the medicine was at an unsafe level, but no one was ever reported harmed from the marijuana at the collective. Nor has anyone ever been reported harmed or ill from pesticide residue on medical marijuana.
That being said, this is a legitimate concern. Many amateur growers will find themselves overwhelmed by a pest infestation, but they are no more skilled at commercial pesticide application than they are at insect reduction (hence their current situation).
Multiple cannabis organizations have emerged to address this issue. CLEAN GREEN Certification Program is an independent third-party which certifies gardens based on the USDA “Organic” Certification Program. Medical cannabis testing labs, such as The Werc Shop, also provide a variety of services based around certifying the finished flower as “clean.” They use Rapid Microbiological Testing (RMT) to test for mold and over 400 other biological infestations—a process that is extremely vital for ensuring the health of medical cannabis patients.
In the real world, though, unless you are shopping at a natural health food store, your local dispensary’s “produce” is probably much cleaner than your local grocer’s.
Got a burning question about love, life and/or the pursuit of medicine? Ask Sarah Diesel, medical-marijuana advocate and L.A.’s Countess of Class and Cannabis. Just keep your questions short, straightforward and obscenity-free, and email them to AskSarah@freeculturemag.com.
