Seeing Stars

We’ve noticed sort of a trend lately: celebrity budtending. High-profile folks like Cypress Hill miscreants B-Real and Sen Dog, adult film star Brianna Banks and Wiz Khalifa have been among the artists and pop culture fixtures who have taken time out of their busy schedules to help you make the proper medicinal choices. OK, OK, it’s just a clever marketing ploy, but there must be pros and cons to having someone famous on the other side of the glass counter. So before, you get star-struck, check out what we imagined as we put together CULTURE’s Budtenders vs. Celebrity Budtenders.

1.

BUDTENDER

He welcomes you to the dispensary, tells you the day’s special and informs you about the latest strain they just got in. You chat him up about the upcoming Spring Gathering. You even get an extra gram because—hey—it’s 4:20 and it’s Happy Hour.

CELEBRITY BUDTENDER

Sen Dog is behind the counter, he tells you the day’s special, informs you about the latest strain they just got in. You chat him up about Spring Gathering (he will definitely be there). Then he kicks down an extra gram . . . for himself—from your stash. What—you’re gonna complain! (Hey, guys, you’re never gonna believe this . . .)

2.

BUDTENDER

You’re a new patient and, in addition to three grams of Don Cristo you’re getting, the budtender gives you a free edible. Nice.

CELEBRITY BUDTENDER

Wiz Khalifa is taking care of you today and you tell him you’re a new patient. The rapper gives you three grams from his personal stash—then he gives you a free ticket to Spring Gathering. While at Spring Gathering, he forces Sen Dog to give you a gram back—from Cypress Hill’s personal stash.

3.

BUDTENDER

Your budtender hands you some beautiful frosted buds as he opens up a jar and you stare at some choice OG.

CELEBRITY BUDTENDER

Brianna Banks hands you some beautifully frosted buds . . . as you stare at her choice DDs. OK, they’re not exactly homegrown. (Michael Carlos)