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By Kevin Longrie

 

Hip-hop legend RICK ROSS once famously said “every day I’m hustling.” We know these words because we know the song well. Hell, it was even immortalized in a fantastic KAT

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By Kevin Longrie

 

Hip-hop legend RICK ROSS once famously said “every day I’m hustling.” We know these words because we know the song well. Hell, it was even immortalized in a fantastic KATT WILLIAMS stand-up routine. But what we didn’t know was that hustling would sometimes involve having a violent seizure during a plane flight. Ross, in true playa fashion, was traveling between Ft. Lauderdale and Memphis when he began convulsing and forced the plane to make an emergency landing. (Like a Ross.) Ross seems to be back on the road to good health and recovery. Ross even Tweeted a video of himself seated in a private jet back en route to Memphis. In the video, he plugged his new album and various other projects he’s got going on. Even a medical emergency can’t stop Teflon Don from being a savvy entrepreneur. Gotta get paid!

BILLY CORGAN—famous for his bald head, his massive ego, and some amazing band he made in the ’90s whose main goal was smashing pumpkins—has decided the best and most logical next step in his career is to start a professional wrestling company in Chicago. This is really par for the course for rock stars. Everyone knows that the WWE was started by MICK JAGGER and that the WCW was started by pre-Chinese Democracy AXEL ROSE. Corgan said he’ll be the creative director of the wrestling company named Resistance Pro. According to Corgan himself, this should come as no surprise. He’s been involved “behind the scenes” in professional wrestling for “about a decade,” helping to create story lines and assisting with all those essential components which help keep 13- to 28-year-old unwashed men happy. One thing is certain: Corgan can raise a lot of money for his endeavor if he gives SMASHING PUMPKINS (the real ones, not this new pretender to the throne) fans a chance to hit him over the back with a metal folding chair while some benevolent soul blasts Siamese Dream. As metal meets ego, you’ll hear a familiar whine over the loudspeaker, “Today is the greatest day I’ve ever known.”

Rapper DMX has 10 kids. Did you know that? Did anyone know that? Well, he’s now making a big sacrifice for them, apparently. The hip-hop star, whose been in some trouble with the law recently for drug-related offenses, says he’s finally “let the cocaine go.” (That phrasing itself conjures up an image of DMX bringing a brick of cocaine out to the middle of a field and—crying—telling it to “go on now! Get! Go on, boy!”) The fact that DMX liked to partake in a bit of nose candy every now and again is no surprise to anyone who’s listened to his album. In the words of everybody’s collective grandmothers: “Why is he always yelling and (literally) barking?” All kidding aside, this is a great choice for the performer, physically and mentally. Let’s just hope he doesn’t end up like ROBIN WILLIAMS, having everyone tell him he was better on blow.

GREEN DAY, which has apparently found great success with its musical American Idiot, is currently in the process of adapting it for the big screen. Frontman BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG said in an interview that he’d like British actor ROBERT PATTINSON (of Twilight fame) to play the lead role. They couldn’t at least find an idiot that was American?

JACK BLACK plays a senator in the new STEPHEN MALKMUS AND THE JICKS video for the group’s single “Senator.” The video, also starring GARY “BILL LUMBERGH” COLE, features the portly star getting cocaine-induced nosebleeds while naked in a bath, cattle-prodding his own privates and hitting on young women. You know, senator stuff. The song itself does not have many good things to say about the current state of politics in this country. Malkmus has never been all that happy with the U.S. government, but this song, which features the lines “I know what the senator wants/What the senator wants is a blowjob,” is quite explicit about that fact. The video was directed by Daily Show writer SCOTT JACOBSEN, a veteran of handling political material for humor. Let’s just hope this doesn’t convince the TENACIOUS D star to run for the actual senate.

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